The Sporting Editor on Culture
“Is the literary editor in?”
The sporting editor looked up from the paper he was reading, and saw a vision of female about twenty years of age, with soft blue eyes, and a heavy mass of golden brown hair arranged in a of the latest and most becoming style.
“Nope,” said the sporting editor, “you can bet your life he ain’t in. He’s out trying to get bail for having assaulted a man who wrote to the Letter Box to ask if ten men could build a house in twenty-seven and one-half days by working eight hours a day, how many buttons would be required for a coat of paint for same house. Did you call to see about a poem, or did you want him to sneak you some for the bicycle contest?”
“Neither,” said the young lady, with . “I am the secretary of the Houston Young Ladies’ Society of Ethical Culture, and I was appointed a committee to call upon the literary editor and him as to the best plan for the exercise of our various functions.”
“Now, that’s a good thing,” said the sporting editor. “I don’t seem to exactly catch on to ‘ethical,’ but if it’s anything like physical culture you girls are going in for, you’ve up to the right rack. I can tell you more about the proper way to exercise your functions in one minute than the literary editor can in an hour. He understands all about the identity of the and the origin of the , but he can’t punch the bag, or give you any pointers how to increase your chest measurement. How long has your society been in training?”
“We organized last month,” answered the lady, looking at the cheerful face of the reporter rather doubtfully.
“Well, now, how do you girls breathe—with your lungs or with your ?”
“Sir?”
“Oh, you’ll have to start in right, and you’ve got to know how to breathe. The first thing is to keep your chest out, your shoulders back, and go through arm exercises for a few days. Then you can try something like this: Keep the upper part of the figure , and standing on one leg, try to—”
“Sir!” exclaimed the young lady severely, “you are presumptuous. I do not understand your obscure talk. Our society is not connected with a . Our aim is the encouragement of social ethics.”
“Oh,” returned the sporting editor, in a disappointed tone, “you are on the society and pink tea . Sorry. That lets me out. Hoped you were going in for athletics. You could do it so well, too. Take my advice now, and try that little exercise every morning for a week. You’ll be surprised to see how much it will benefit your muscles. As I said, just stand on one—”
Bang! went the door, and the blue-eyed young lady was gone.
“It’s a pity,” said the sporting editor, “that these girls don’t pay some attention to self-culture without that—that ethical part.”