Had a Use for It
A strong scent of onions and the kind of advertised “for mechanical purposes” came through the keyhole, closely followed by an individual bearing a bulky under his arm about the size of a roll of wall paper.
The individual was of the description referred to by our English cousins as “one of the lower classes,” and by papers as “the bone and of the country,” and the scene of his invasion was the of a great Texas weekly .
The editor sat at his desk with his hands in his hair, at a letter from the house where he bought his paper supply.
The individual drew a chair close to the editor and laid the heavy upon the desk, which creaked beneath its weight.
“I’ve worked nineteen hours upon it,” he said, “but it’s done at last.”
“What is it?” asked the editor, “a lawn mower?”
“It is an answer, sir, to the President’s message: a refutation of each and every one of his damnable doctrines, a complete and scathing review of every assertion and every false insidious theory that he has advanced.”
“About how many—er—how many pounds do you think it contains?” said the editor thoughtfully.
“Five hundred and twenty-seven pages, sir, and—”
“Written in pencil on one side of the paper?” asked the editor, with a strange light shining in his eye.
“Yes, and it treats of—”
“You can leave it,” said the editor, rising from his chair. “I have no doubt I can use it to advantage.”
The individual, with a strong effort, collected his breath and departed, feeling that a fatal blow had been struck at those in high places.
Ten minutes later six india-rubber erasers had been purchased, and the entire office force were at work upon the manuscript.
The great weekly came out on time, but the editor gazed pensively at his last month’s unreceipted paper bill and said:
“So far, so good; but I wonder what we will print on next week!”